Features of My Etsy-Exclusive Artisan Wildcrafted Guillotine

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Mockup Photos, Unsplash

If you’re interested in supporting a sustainable, Black-owned small business run by someone who understands the unique joy that accompanies opening a brand new box of high-quality weaponry then look no further. In addition to a wide range of antiques forcefully procured from museums around the world, I’ve decided to include one-of-a-kind, fully-functioning guillotines to my inventory. Just in time for this global crisis.

Whether you’re a collector, an enthusiast, a bloodthirsty anti-fascist, or a disenfranchised lumpenprol, I will work with you to make sure that I can meet all of your financial and aesthetic needs. The following features are just the beginning and I’m open to customization requests. Additionally, I offer and array of payment methods including sliding-scale and barter. You are my priority and I know that your priority is that heads will roll. The more the merrier.

So, without further adieu, here are my favorite features of my Etsy-exclusive, artisan, wildcrafted guillotines:

Natural grain and color variation in the finish highlighting the one-of-a-kind and distinctive markings of real, freshly sliced hardwood. Whether your earthy canvas for the blood of the bourgeois is knotted Rustic Alder, gum-spotted Cherry, or ray-flecked Red Oak, you can rest assured that you won’t have to sacrifice novelty for traditional design. It’s all in the details.

Each guillotine comes equipped with a blade made from repurposed, vintage battle axes that are shaped, sharpened, and polished by hand. Guaranteed to maintain optimal clean-slicing power for at least thirty uses, the blade is specifically designed to cut through cervical spines like a knife through le beurre bordier. Additionally, clients can choose for the blade-forging to take place in an aromatherapy room for optimal positive energy transference.

Military-grade, raising ropes made from natural fibers accompany each vintage déclic and give the guillotine rustic charm. The ropes are customizable with respect to color, thickness, and braiding technique. Your raising rope should have personality and blend into your visual aesthetic mood.

Each guillotine is accompanied by a one-of-kind déclic complete with heated memory foam and the option to choose its shape. Additionally, clients can choose from one of five types of crystal to form the body of the handle that lay beneath the memory foam attachment. Send love and light along with the falling blade in the form of ethically-sourced obsidian, rose quartz, amethyst, jasper, or bloodstone.

Each bascule is made from repurposed cello and bass bodies that are donated to my studio. Further, every part of the donated instrument is repurposed to aid in the construction of the guillotine. The anatomy of each cello and bass is carefully-inspected to ensure that the highest-quality parts are used to create each crossbar, lunette, panier, and patin.

Handwoven Nordic hemp and Mediterranean sea grass woven baskets guarantee a sturdy, strong, and rigid hold that can hold up to 30 pounds. With its open weave structure and seamless design, these baskets offer premium air flow and won’t absorb moisture. Each basket comes with three bottles of organic, all-natural stain remover to tackle even the toughest crimson blemishes.

Inquire now to obtain your very own work of art.

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